Mawwage is wot bwings us togevvah today....
Some dear friends are getting married this weekend, and as someone who's been married for nearly twenty years, I thought I would share a few important anecdotes to the reality of wedded bliss (from a friend who emailed me these-- I just can't help myself!)
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
(Editorial comment: I don't understand that either-- either part.)
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men..."
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
(Editorial comment: If he doesn't deny that you said anything to begin with... And when you have kids, you get to repeat things much more than once!)
While attending a marriage seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor remind them, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes...."
He addressed the man,"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?"
THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
(Editorial comment: Yes, your husband will still expect you to be his alarm clock, even if you are angry at each other. Because even though they love technology, and can program the TiVo to stand on its head and while changing the oil in the car, they can't figure out how to stop hitting the snooze button or sleeping through the alarm altogether.)