A Shrewdness of Apes

An Okie teacher banished to the Midwest. "Education is not the filling a bucket but the lighting of a fire."-- William Butler Yeats

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Thursday Thirteen: thirteen common things I don't get

Yes, I realize how strange I am, thankyewverrymuch.

1. I hate cinnamon-- the flavor or even the smell. Yuck.

2. I consider wrapping presents completely unappetizing. I will do anything to avoid this-- it seems so pointless.

3. I likewise don't do Christmas letters or even Christmas cards. It's not that I'm Scrooge-- I just can't think of anything interesting to say, nor do I ever seem to have enough time.

4. I dislike hockey-- it's like indoor soccer on an extremely cold surface with occasional outbreaks of drunken boxing (punch, miss, fall down). And I believe indoor soccer is an abomination, right up there with the designated hitter.

5. Likewise, it has been at least ten years since I watched a pro basketball game. When Latrell Sprewell choked PJ Carlesimo, I decided that that was the end-- no matter how annoying PJ Carlesimo is. There is no defense in pro basketball, and I find that incredibly boring.

6. Any sort of horror movie absolutely turns my stomach. I have regretted seeing Se7en for YEARS. Hell, I still regret seeing the childbirth scene in Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, and I walked out of that one.

7. I have never "gotten my nails done." What's the point? I play guitar. And I knew my husband was the man for me when he saw me painting my nails when we were dating and told me he thought it was ridiculous. I actually heard violins and a heavenly choir.

8. I think Titanic is the most annoying movie ever-- and the same for Leonardo DiCaprio. Watching him with Kate Winslet was like watching Madonna and Britney kiss: I'm sure that really works for some, but just not for me. And the whole time he was in the water, I kept thinking, "When will the hypothermia kick in, fercryin'outloud?"

9. I won't wear heels for any reason whatsoever. No way. The same with those shoes with the really pointy toes. You might as well walk on razor blades.

10. As a matter of fact, although my aching achilles' tendon pushed me into wearing Birkenstocks, I think UGG boots are hideous. As are Crocs. Not to mention tattoos, tongue piercing, and sagging. I think these fads' continued popularity go hand in hand with explaining the elections of George W. Bush-- some people will buy ANYTHING.

11. Reality TV is as painful to me as driving staples into my temple. I do NOT need to see people's most embarrassing moments or irrational tears-- it reminds me too much of school. NOT funny.

12. Soul patches and beards with no moustaches: FUNNY. But not in a good way.

13. Pepperoni and ham: yes. Any other pork: NO.

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At 11/28/08, 6:30 AM, Blogger Mrs. Chili said...

For me, it's fennel and anise. Blech! Wrapping presents isn't that big a deal to me, but I've not done Christmas cards in YEARS; I never seem to find the time, either.

I'm with you on 4 and 5. For 6, I don't like the gratuitous violence horror movies (I saw Se7en ONCE, and once was enough) but I do love films like The Sixth Sense and The Others, which some people consider horror movies.

I used to get my nails done, but only because my thumbnails like to break WAY below the skin line. Since I've started using Burt's Bees cuticle cream, though, that happens less. My husband, too, hates nail polish. Even when I WAS getting my nails done, they were done in the barest of nude pinks.

I've never seen Titanic. There; I said it.

We also agree on 9,10, 11, and 12, but I MUST had bacon to #13. Mmmmmm.

At 11/28/08, 12:34 PM, Blogger Jim Connolly said...

I'm with you on the majority of these, especially Titantic. Why spend 2 hours watching a movie when everybody knows how it ends? The boat sinks! We've known that since 1912!
And for the record, I don't get my nails done or wear heels, either, but I'm a fan of the swine!

At 11/28/08, 10:04 PM, Blogger "Ms. Cornelius" said...

I don't mind suspense-- like Sixth Sense or Rear Window. It's just the bloody grossness I can't take.

Uh, bacon is too greasy. And fake bacon is like salty sandpaper.

Lucky you, Mrs. Chili-- that was two hours of my life gone forever. And that #@$!! song!

I agree, Mr. C: the boat sinks-- but doesn't take Leo with it until untold minutes of treacly verbiage

At 11/29/08, 7:31 PM, Blogger NYC Educator said...

I won't wear heels either, but I've seen many movies that annoyed me more than Titanic, mostly on cable, and I'm afraid I can't remember their names because I turned them off before they were over. However, an old girlfriend, long ago, made me sit through The Way We Were, and I recall that as absolutely excruciating.

At 11/30/08, 7:47 AM, Blogger Mrs. T said...

Chalk me up under the "never seen The Titanic" list, too. I had no desire to see it when it came out, I was sickened by how much was spent to make it and that song is enough to make me want to gouge my eyes out with a fork.
I don't do horror movies of any kind, even "The Sixth Sense".
#12, I'm reminded of what my grandpa says re: any facial hair. 'Why grow on your face what you can grow on your a$$'?
#5- never watch pro basketball. Those guys are 7 feet tall and the basket's the same height- where's the challenge?
#7- I got my nails done once- when I was living in Mexico and there was a salon in the front of the house where I lived. I do get a pedicure in the summer- but that's more for my feet than for my nails.

At 11/30/08, 7:31 PM, Blogger CaliforniaTeacherGuy said...

My dear Ms. Cornelius, I have been mildly depressed most of today. (I'm packing my car to flee the north woods.) Reading your list of dislikes has brightened the end of my day considerably. Thank you so much!

At 11/30/08, 9:34 PM, Blogger Goldie said...

Agree 100% on Titanic and present wrapping. The former is extremely cheesy; the latter strikes me as a waste of perfectly good paper. I cut my nails right after changing my first diaper 16 years ago, and never looked back.
Have to disagree on Crocs, though. I have two pairs and my 13yo has one, and we never go camping/to the beach/on vacation without them. Croc is the only rubber shoe that doesn't rip my feet into bloody shreds. Great for gardening, too. I agree with you though, that wearing Crocs instead of sandals when out on the town, is just silly.
I like *some* horror movies. I've seen all seven Nightmare on Elm Street movies, and love Robert Englund with a passion most women reserve for Hugh Laurie. I just think he's cute and funny. Weird huh?

At 11/30/08, 9:37 PM, Blogger Goldie said...

Oh, yeah. The abominable song!!! I worked for a guy back then, who loved the movie. He was also constantly hitting on me. Before I knew it, he declared the stupid thing "our song". Gave me a CD with the Titanic soundtrack for my b-day. He saw the movie 3 or 4 times total, one of them with me. First time I saw a grown man cry, and hopefully my last! Needless to say, all this made the movie even more creepy to me!

At 11/30/08, 11:35 PM, Blogger "Ms. Cornelius" said...

NYC-- I didn't like TWWW either. I wanted to tell Katie: "If you love something set it free. Then go find yourself an adoring Jewish boy!" It did remind me that you can't bulldoze someone into loving you, but it doesn't take me two hours to figure that out. But at least I got to look at Robert Redford. There was nothing remotely interesting about Leo.

Mrs. T--I have no objection to a nice moustache or a neatly maintained beard. But when you look like a member of System of a Down or a dwarf from TLOTR, it's time to stop it! And soul patches are just so poseur-ish.

CTG-- I am here for you, and am praying for you too still. Go with God, and shake the dust off your sandals at the edge of town.

Goldie--I have some Croc sandals I wear when we camp. But to wear them in civilization? No. And they're sandals. Now, my husband did cry the first time he saw Dancing With Wolves. And how did you get tlked into going into a darkened room, however public, with dis guy? We saw it at home, and finally I potted down the sound and gave it the ol' Mystery Science Theatre treatment. It was much better.


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