A Shrewdness of Apes

An Okie teacher banished to the Midwest. "Education is not the filling a bucket but the lighting of a fire."-- William Butler Yeats

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Gut Check

So you know I've been working most of the summer to lose some weight and get in shape. I'm not able to work out as much now that school is starting again, but I still have received some complements from coworkers for looking less massive. I've lost three pants sizes, and I know there's a ways to go, but still, it's progress.

But here's a conversation with my mother, who's visiting:

Scene: I walk out in dress clothes to head to work.

Madre: When was the last time you were checked by a doctor?
Moi: June, Mom.
Madre: Well, I want you to get some blood work. You look like someone I know who just had a ten pound tumor removed from their abdomen.

Yup. THERE'S a confidence builder for ya. I know that that poem about being an old lady who wears purple basically says that one can say and do whatever one wants, but, um.... really... that stung.

Well, must go now. I and my tumor are going to be late to "Meet the Teacher" Night.

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At 8/20/08, 10:38 PM, Blogger educat said...

"I didn't tell you about the tumor, Mom? Huh. Thought I did. OK, gotta go to school, buh-bye!"

Crap agnes, mom.

At 8/21/08, 5:58 AM, Blogger cupcake said...

Just to make you feel better, my mother would purse her lips, scan me head to toe, and say, "You still have a long way to go. Maybe you need to step it up."

And I wonder sometimes why I'm paranoid, insecure and neurotic.

At 8/21/08, 7:31 AM, Blogger Mrs. Chili said...

*Slaps forehead* MA! Don't SAY stuff like that - at least, not out LOUD!

Blah. Sorry, Honey. Try to roll with it...

At 8/21/08, 12:57 PM, Blogger Xiao Yan said...

At least she was talking about the person after the tumor was removed rather than before ...?

Ah, what an uninteresting place the world would be without mothers' inappropriate comments!

At 8/21/08, 4:06 PM, Blogger Lightly Seasoned said...

Hilarious! I'm sure my 12-year-old finds some of the things I say to her equally horrible.

The compliments are fun. When I went back to school, a lot of people were checking me out to see if I kept the weight off (I lost about 3 sizes, too).

PS. I'm sure you don't look like an outpatient from the Mayo Clinic.

At 8/21/08, 6:12 PM, Blogger 40 said...

In my best Ahhhhrnold, "Must be a tuuuumor." (From kindergarten cop i believe)

I once knew a registrar that DID have a 10 lb tumor removed. Amazing.

Glad to hear you are doing so well.

At 8/21/08, 6:55 PM, Blogger "Ms. Cornelius" said...

No, xiao yan, sadly, my mother meant that I look like I have a ten pound tumor still in my innards.

However, I told my personal trainer this story whilst she was tormenting me and she laughed for a half hour.

Small victory? I didn't go a) pour myself a double scotch and toss it back, nor did b) I go and "pity eat."

At 8/24/08, 10:11 AM, Blogger Nic said...

One of my my mom's most endearing sayings while I was a child: "Pull your stomach in, you look like a pregnant faerie." (WTH??)

I think part of the purpose for saying things like the above was to make sure we didn't grow up conceited, but...yeah. Not a technique I employed with my own two girls, who are lovely, dammit, and I'm ok with them knowing it.

At 8/24/08, 9:39 PM, Anonymous Hula Doula said...

That was a back door compliment if I ever heard one. YIPES

At 8/24/08, 10:13 PM, Blogger "Ms. Cornelius" said...

We don't even want to talk about what she could say about my back door....


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