Too much 411-- thanks for sharing!

I would like to write an open letter to a parent with whom I have had much correspondence.


Dear Mrs. Munchausen,

I am sure your daughter has been truly sick the last nine times she has been absent or late to school. Really. But I do not need to know every. single. gory. detail. of her unwellness.

Thus far this week you have vivdly described her menstrual cramps in the subject line(!) of email correspondence to me. In the subject line! Those details about your child are now stored on who knows how many servers!

In the past few months, you have assured me that your child has had diarrhea, fevers, hives, anaphylactic shock, and three bouts of the stomach flu, all in amazingly gory technicolor detail. It has gotten to the point where I am afraid to open any emails from you for fear of losing my (non-existent) breakfast-- no doubt in a dull and pedestrian manner compared to the projectile vomiting fit you described to me last month. (You see, to me, this is an act which I do not do well, whereas you seem to view it as a form of performance art.) You have reported to me every single stomach cramp your child has had since December.

Please, allow your child some shred of dignity. I am certain she would be mortified to know that her teacher has so much intimate knowledge of her bodily emissions.

Sincerely,
I'm A Teacher, Not an Internist



Ahh. I feel better now. Have you ever had this happen to you? Does it make you a wee bit suspicious? Or am I the only person cursed to have parents with no sense of personal space?