Thursday Thirteen Number 5: I have a very bad feeling about this edition
And the truly sad part is that we can't go back and fix this. It's ruined forever.
1. There is no sense of humor evident in Star Wars episdoes I-III. Jar Jar Binks is exhibit A. Does anyone remember the smart-aleck repartee that Harrison Ford and Carrie Fischer got to volley back and forth?
2. The scripts were wooden and the character interaction simplistic. There was nothing believable about the relationships, no spark, no chemistry. Now, George would not have had to look far to find someone to help him out here-- ironically, Carrie Fischer has worked as a script doctor in Hollywood, punching up the dialogue and pacing. Imagine what she could have done with this set of scripts!
3. By putting so much emphasis on computer-generated characters, the story lost its soul. Yoda hopping around like a flea on hot metal; androids that don't breathe wheezing and coughing, and back to Jar Jar Binks-- did we really have to have a character in Star Wars speaking in the "Ubby-Dubby" language from that childhood educational program on PBS called The Electric Company? Then there's was Watto, Anakin's owner on Tatooine-- at any second, I expected him to say something like "Now, THAT's a spicy meatball!" like a bad imitation of Chef Boy-ar-dee. It did not have to be this way, though. Look what Peter Jackson did in LOTR with Gollum.
4. Jake Lloyd and Hayden Christiansen. EGAD. If this is the main character for your entire saga, George, why didn't you pick someone who could actually ACT? These boys had all the emotional depth of a protozoa.
5. And speaking of protozoa, what exactly was Anakin's father again? The Holy Spirit? So is this story about what would have happened if Jesus had turned to evil?
6. And how is it that all those Jedi could be in the presence of Palpatine and not recognize that the Force was strong with him?
7. Would Darth Vader really have gone around claiming that every single thing that happened to him was "unfair?" Say what you will, Darth was not a pouter. Ever.
8. Speed up all the light-saber duels with computers, and you end up making all of us wonder why Obi-wan and Vader's climactic fight in Star Wars IV was so sluggish and plodding.
9. If Anakin Skywalker created C-3PO, why didn't C-3PO recognize the Skywalker name when sold to Owen on Tatooine? Why didn't Owen or Beru recognize Threepio?
10. When asked about her mother in Star Wars VI, Leia says she remembers just a little about her. How could this be true if Padme dies seconds after Leia's birth?
11. Where are the scoundrels? We loved our Han Solos and Lando Calrissians! In fact did anyone in episodes I-III have a heart of gold under a tough-guy exterior? Indeed, were there ANY tough guys in the first three episodes?
12. Do you really believe that Padme found Anakin attractive? This was the greatest mismatch since Billy Bob Thornton married Angelina Jolie.
13. Notice the purple background here. That's representing the foofy purple lightsaber used by pigeon-toed Mace Windu, alias Samuel L. Jackson. Nothing personal, Mr. Jackson.
Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
4. Susan Helene Gottfried
(leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)
...You're NEXT! Last one in is a Jawa!
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
View More Thursday Thirteen Participants
Labels: Thursday Thirteen