Here's an idea--Survivor: Oklahoma
You know, we Okies are a long-suffering lot. We put up with people thinking we all live in teepees. Or, as my friend just reminded me, people think of the musical rather than the actual place or they've seen the movie and wonder why there aren't mountains near Claremore and I feel like screaming: "Because it was shot in California!" Just like another movie I've been talking about recently-- hint, hint-- which was also set in Oklahoma. Unlike Dances With Wolves which was supposed to be set in Oklahoma but then wasn't because, I guess, Kevin Costner couldn't find enough buffalo or prairie without a dormant oil well on it.
But anyway, everyone thinks we talk like the Joads—or worse, like Reba McIntyre. Now, here comes this: the scary naked guy from the first Survivor is apparently going to be our guest for about 51 months:
PROVIDENCE, R.I. - Richard Hatch has been sent to a federal prison in Oklahoma as he serves a 51-month prison sentence for failing to pay taxes on the $1 million he won on the debut season of the reality TV show, "Survivor."
Hatch arrived several days ago at the Federal Transfer Center in Oklahoma City, Okla. It was not immediately clear why Hatch was moved or whether he will serve out his prison sentence at the facility, which is a hub for prisoners transferring through the federal system.
A federal jury convicted Hatch in January of failing to pay taxes on the "Survivor" prize and other income. He was sentenced in May to 51 months in prison by a judge who said the reality TV star had lied repeatedly on the witness stand.
Hatch had previously been held at the Plymouth County Correctional Facility in Massachusetts.
But then there’s my favorite part of the story (emphasis mine):
Hatch would prefer to serve his sentence near family in Rhode Island or in Florida, said his lawyer, Michael Minns.
"He should be in a camp," said Hatch's attorney, Michael Minns. "The camps are the most comfortable of the uncomfortable. They are still jails, but they get to see the sky and be outside. It's bad for Richard, who is an outdoor person."
Now, I don’t know whether to be repulsed (well, actually, yes I do) or insulted. I mean really, we provide him with a lovely facility right near Will Rogers Airport, and he wants to be at CAMP??! And do we really want Flabby Naked Guy to be comfortable?
But hey, Richard—this is Oklahoma. We’ve got plenty of “outside.”
Let’s just pray he keeps his clothes on.
****UPDATE: It was announced on August 3 that the Happy State of West Virginia will now have the pleasure of Mr. Naked Guy's company. I dunno-- this may provoke another secession from the State that Seceeded from a Seceeding State during the "War of Northern Aggression," as my pal Trent Lott would say.