A Shrewdness of Apes

An Okie teacher banished to the Midwest. "Education is not the filling a bucket but the lighting of a fire."-- William Butler Yeats

Friday, May 11, 2007

Skwirls Gone Wild at School

Get a load of this one-- a San Jose elementary school was locked down after a nut-crazed rodent attacked three people:
A child and two adults were hurt when a squirrel went nuts and attacked them after wandering into a San Jose elementary school classroom on Wednesday.

The door to a first grade classroom at Evergreen Elementary, located at 3010 Fowler Road, was left open when the squirrel scampered in about 9 a.m., according to school officials. The squirrel entered as students and chaperones were preparing to depart for a field trip.

An 11-year-old girl was bitten twice on the arm. Then, the squirrel went after a couple of adults in the room -- severely biting one of them on the upper arm and drawing blood, according to San Jose police Sgt. Nick Muyo.

Something must be done about that furry little freak.

You can even see video if you go to the link. It's time we expose the secret skwirl conspiracy to eat the human race out of birdseed. Everyone likes to think that they are Disney-fied little furry friends, kind of tree-climbing Bichon Frises. I am here to tell you, people, they are natural born sociopaths bent on mayhem and the purloining of twinkies from dormitory rooms they then attempt to destroy with their razor-like claws during finals week, not that I have any personal experience about which bitterness yet lingers....

Save Our Schools from the Skwirl Menace!

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At 5/11/07, 6:17 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mr. Chili and I have a theory that states that, if one has been, shall we say, "less than good" in their lives, then one gets to be reincarnated as a squirrel. NOT ONLY THAT, but these delinquent souls are AWARE of being squirrels - none of this-mind-wipe-before-being-reborn crap. Nope; squirrels are fully aware that they've been demoted down the evolutionary chain, and they don't like it, not one bit. What other reason could there possibly be for the seeming determination with which the little buggers try to commit suicide on the roads? They TRY to run under your wheels, and seem disappointed when they miss.

I'm tellin' ya. Squirrels. God's own punnishment.

At 5/11/07, 3:06 PM, Blogger anonymous educator said...

I would like to have a squirrel for a pet.

At 5/11/07, 4:17 PM, Blogger Mrs. T said...

Squirrels are pure evil. Evil, I tell you. I once was accosted by a very aggressive squirrel in Montreal, one who was used to getting handouts from tourists- popcorn, peanuts, crepes. I had nothing to offer the little creep, so it kept lunging at me, chasing me around the park. I told my friends not to make eye contact with it- they just laughed- they thought I was being funny. Not so. Those things are crazed. This incident in San Jose doesn't surprise me in the least.

At 5/11/07, 9:27 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

There is more than one reason why we call our troubled ones "squirrely" out of earshot of their parents!

And it does seem that squirrels attacking people is a more-common-than-you-think Bay Area phenomenon. They like school lunches even more than the seagulls out here.

At 5/12/07, 9:25 AM, Blogger CaliforniaTeacherGuy said...

Oohh, you people are giving squirrels a baaaadd rap!

When I got my first apartment years ago, I had a squirrel that used to come up the stairs and waltz right into my place as though he owned it. I started feeding him peanuts. We became quite friendly toward each other.

I like squirrels.

At 5/12/07, 9:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm writing a novel entitled "Chain Gang Elementary" and I could never put something like this in it for fear of being disbelieved!

At 5/12/07, 10:18 PM, Blogger QuakerDave said...

Friday, I had a kid write a poem in which he imagined shooting up our school and killing people.

This is his third sich "production" in three years. Always around this time of year, it seems. I am still shaky from the experience.

Did we lock-down? No. We have a protocol, which we followed. But if he'd done this in September, at the high school, instead of in May, at our middle school, he would've been explaining his poem to the police.

Now,if I only had a squirrel. Life would be so much calmer...

At 5/13/07, 1:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

So if a squirrel is let loose in school we get a few hours of entertainment, got it. :P

At 5/13/07, 6:25 PM, Blogger Butterfly Angel said...

Nothing like a little excitement before a field trip!

I just wanted to wish you a very Happy Mother's Day from the Alamo City!

butterfly angel

At 5/13/07, 7:01 PM, Blogger "Ms. Cornelius" said...

Mrschili-- I am with you-- lower than a cockroach. Which reminds me of Archy and Mehitobel.

ae-- You do. They're called "students."

mrs t- I completely believe you. They're possessed.

pamela-- How true!

CTG- You just haven't known enough skwirls.
jonathan-- I know. People think we exaggerate, or just make this stuff up.

QD: You are in my prayers. We have had incidents, too, and the tension will kill you. Perhaps a nice goldfish, hmmm?

kontan-- You also get sharp rodent teeth and claw coming right after you. Yech.

B. A.-- Thanks so much! Peace and love back at you!

At 5/16/07, 3:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Daughter is a junior at the University of Washington and lives in an old house. She has a corner room with lots of windows surrounded by trees. One day she had her windows open enjoying the autumn breezes. She was sitting on her bed, reading. She heard a rustling. She thought it was a stray breeze. Then she heard some thing moving... She looked up and there was a squirrel in her candy stash! She screamed! The squirrel screamed! There was mayhem and pandemonium and a fair amount of
commotion before the candy was rescued, the squirrel evicted and the windows slammed shut!
When I saw this article about the squirrel in the schoolroom you can bet I emailed it to her.

At 5/21/07, 10:06 AM, Blogger Mama Squirrel said...

We apologize on behalf of all homesquirrelers and other friendly rodents.

"I always obeyed my mother, and I never carried the plague, not even once." --- Rizzo the Rat in Muppets from Space


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