A Shrewdness of Apes

An Okie teacher banished to the Midwest. "Education is not the filling a bucket but the lighting of a fire."-- William Butler Yeats

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

When life is like a movie... or not.

I was sitting in the mall-- which, let me tell you, is about as fun for me as a root canal-- while my husband stared open-mouthed at some sort of electronic doodad in some electronics store when I heard a familiar voice over my left shoulder. It was the Nightstalker.

The Nightstalker is a former student who says that he is a vampire. I mean it.


He has even sharpened two of his teeth to resemble fangs.

I swear I don't make this stuff up.

Anyway, for some reason, you know that this kid took a shine to me, whyohwhy I do not know, but since he spent most of his time wandering the hallways trying to fascinate girls who didn't normally garner a lot of teenaged-boy attention, and he didn't actually do too well with the whole grade thing, and then he got one of his ghoulfriends girlfriends pregnant and dropped out of school permanently. He complained about the fact that the girlfriend's parents hated him and wouldn't let him see the baby, and I tried gently to explain to him that maybe-just-maybe it was because he talked about drinking blood. A lot. And yeah, THERE'S a conversation I never envisioned having when I was training to be a teacher. Just goes to show ya.

But anyway, there at Retail Hell, there he was. I surreptitiously quick-checked to make sure I still had a pulse and delicately sniffed the air for traces of sulphur as he slid onto the bench beside me. I barely recognized him. Previously, he had modeled his hair on a character from that '80s Kiefer Sutherland flick The Lost Boys. But of course, unless you've been living under a preteen-free rock for the last several months, you should know that there're some new bloodsuckers in town. So guess what he looked like now?

Muh-huh. It was too dark to see if he's covered his skin with glitter, but I'll bet you anything...

There IS one thing I'd like to see him emulate about Edward Cullen though-- and that would be the stack of mortarboards indicating graduation from high school.

I think online shopping is great, don't you?

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At 1/21/09, 6:06 PM, Blogger Mrs. H said...

My teeth are hurting just thinking of someone filing their teeth!

At 1/23/09, 9:46 PM, Blogger Deb S. said...

Strange stuff! You're right. Teacher training doesn't begin to prepare you for this kind of stuff.

At 1/28/09, 11:21 PM, Blogger Polski3 said...

L O L !!! Thanks, I needed something to smile about today !

At 2/11/09, 12:20 PM, Blogger Lsquared said...

My son came up with something I think you might appreciate (my apologies to all those of you who love the book/movie and would hope for a more thoughtful tribute).

He writes filksongs--science fiction and fantasy folk songs/parodies about books he likes, or, in this case, doesn't.... So, one of his friends talked him into reading the Twilight books, and he came up with this song:

Remember the song "Hey Mickey"? (Hey Mickey, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind, hey Mickey, etc). Well, just replace "Mickey" in every case with "Edward". Yeah. It doesn't alliterate as well as Mickey, but otherwise it works pretty well.

Oh, and filing your teeth makes me cringe--I have visions of expensive dental work dancing in my head.


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