A Shrewdness of Apes

An Okie teacher banished to the Midwest. "Education is not the filling a bucket but the lighting of a fire."-- William Butler Yeats

Monday, December 25, 2006

Movie Madness Monday 45: Walk into the Light edition

Ahh, the holidays, and I just got the best present ever-- a three hour nap, with only the sound of a child play an electric guitar to trouble my slumber. And, it didn't. Because I am THAT tired.

Here's the drill (which my hubby got for Christmas): I give you a few quotes from a movie. You respond with a quote of your own in the comments section. WE DO NOT REVEAL THE NAME OF THE MOVIE UNTIL THURSDAY, SO EVERYONE CAN PLAY.

So since everyone is probably busy with family and friends, I am tossing you a stuffing-filled, Christmas turkey:

"Did we check every bulb?"

"You surprised to see us?"
"Oh, Eddie... If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am now."

"I don't know what to say, except it's Christmas and we're all in misery."

"I think it'd be best if everyone went home... before things get worse."
"WORSE? How could things get any worse? Take a look around here. We're at the threshold of hell!"

"It was an ugly tree anyway."

"I don't know if I oughta go sailin' down no hill with nothin' between the ground and my brains but a piece of government plastic."
"Do you really think it matters, Eddie?"

"If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?"

****Thursday Update: Pass the Tylenol, it's
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation!

Chevy Chase (whose real first name is CORNELIUS!) keeps it real at Christmas Time, and we are all the richer as a result.



At 12/26/06, 12:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"We're kicking off our fun old fashion family Christmas by heading out into the country in the old front-wheel drive sleigh to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape and select that most important of Christmas symbols."

"We're not coming all the way out here just to get one of those stupid ties with Santa Clauses on it are we?"

At 12/26/06, 8:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's one heck of a last sentence. I wonder if people really think of that many adjectives without the aid of a scriptwriter.

At 12/26/06, 9:04 AM, Blogger Mike in Texas said...

It was a good movie, but none of those lines can hold a candle to my favorite Cousin Eddie line:

"Where's the dam bait shop?"

At 12/26/06, 9:44 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse."

"Oh, I'm sure he'll fall. But I don't think we're lucky enough for him to break his neck."

At 12/26/06, 4:44 PM, Blogger Mamacita said...

The shitter's full.

At 12/27/06, 9:06 AM, Blogger The MAN Fan Club said...

That was an easy one, thanks.

"you couldn't hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant."

At 12/27/06, 11:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Can I refill your egg nog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?"

A friend of mine watches this every single year on Christmas Eve; I'm more of a "Bad Santa" man myself. ;-)

At 12/27/06, 1:32 PM, Blogger "Ms. Cornelius" said...

"Where's Eddie? He usually eats these G-damn things."

"Is your house on fire, Clark?"
"No, Aunt Bethany, those are the Christmas lights."


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