A Shrewdness of Apes

An Okie teacher banished to the Midwest. "Education is not the filling a bucket but the lighting of a fire."-- William Butler Yeats

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

And now, the Airing of Grievances! (Isn't that what a blog is for?)

It's Festivus time everyone, and so let's air those grievances! (This is actually just about the only thing on Seinfeld that I ever found funny. You can ask my husband. I would usually just sit there and roll my eyes. George and Elaine and Jerry and Kramer usually just annoyed me. And don't even start about Newman. I loved it when he got it in Jurassic Park.) So here are my grievances:

1. TV shows about nothing. Very arch. Tee. Hee. I get it. Which leads us straight into....

2. "Reality TV" shows. First of all, that ain't reality. Second of all, there's no amount of money that could make me hang out with the weird naked guy who's now in jail from Survivor. I would have voted MYSELF off the damn island. Third of all, who doesn't get that these are cash cows for networks who are treating the public like they're doofs? Fourth of all, I can't STAND American Idol, because I can't stand atonal singing.
-------2a. "Professional" wrestling. People, PLEASE!

3. People who read or text-message or do any other attention-demanding task while driving. Blast you.

4. People who claim that teachers are lazy morons with an easy job who then insist they would never want to be a teacher because teaching is not a respected profession that doesn't pay enough. Hypocrites.

5. People who can eat whatever they want and never gain an ounce. Tchah!

6. Kids who complain that they're cold when they're running around half-nekkid.

7. Justin Timberlake. If he's bringing sexy back, then I'm becoming an anchoress.


At 12/26/06, 5:54 PM, Blogger CaliforniaTeacherGuy said...

Re. Number 6: That would include about half the kids on the middle school campus where I teach. Granted, this is southern California, where most days, even in what passes for "winter," are balmy. (It's in the low 70s here today, sorry.) But we do have icy mornings and if the cloud cover persists, chilly days. And what do the kids show up in? Shorts and T-shirts, of course--with not even a sweatshirt to cover their arms. Then they sit around with their teeth chattering as they wait for the classrooms to open. Sheesh!

At 12/26/06, 7:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What about kids who complain they're hot while wearing North Face parkas, three sweaters and a scarf?

They oughta get at least honorable mention.

At 12/26/06, 9:10 PM, Blogger Mike in Texas said...

#8 People who drive in the left hand lane below the speed limit., even though they have clearly never passed anyone in their lives and never will. Do you think those "Slower Traffic Keeps Right" signs are there just to give you something to read?

I'm pushing for a constitutional amendment to allow you to bump them out of your way.

At 12/26/06, 9:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I with you, especially on 2 through 5.
And just to add...people who read newspapers while driving absolutely frighten me!

At 12/26/06, 10:04 PM, Blogger "Ms. Cornelius" said...

CTG: As I throw another log on the fire, I (sneer) in your general direction.

NYC: Oooooooh, yes- great one! Must updat. And someone needs to feed those kids a multivitamin.

MIT: And then there are those who drive with their blasted turn indicators on or who never use them, but those were covered at the Festivus website.

And "Bump them out of the way?" Thou art far too gentle. I think a hood-mounted bazooka would make a much better response. You know, one you could activate with your thoughts like in that weird Cold War Clint Eastwood movie about stealing the Russian fighter jet? What the hell was that thing called????

And Aisby, I love reading more than almost anyone, but I like breathing enough to not rea while I'm behind the wheel.

At 12/27/06, 6:56 AM, Blogger CaliforniaTeacherGuy said...

Ms. Cornelius, your comments on our comments are priceless--thank you for a great round of laughter with which to start my day!

At 12/27/06, 8:24 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Forget texters: my beef is with cell phone yakkers who do it while driving -- and maybe holding a cigarette or a coffee in the other hand at the same time.

At 12/27/06, 1:23 PM, Blogger Zeno said...

I had an aunt (my father's aunt, actually) who took televised wrestling absolutely seriously. This little old lady would sit on the edge of the couch in rapt attention, twisting her torso as the wrestlers tumbled about and giving a little jump at every body slam. It was her favorite show on American television (they had nothing like this in the old country!).

I also had an uncle (my father's brother) who was heard to opine that teachers went into their profession "for the easy money". Far be it from me to criticize the work ethic of someone who worked a farm for a living, but my uncle was stupid.


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