A Shrewdness of Apes

An Okie teacher banished to the Midwest. "Education is not the filling a bucket but the lighting of a fire."-- William Butler Yeats

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Her name is Legion

Imagine my shock and disgust as I was cornered by Ms. Legion, the school board member from Heckfire, who tried to sidle up to me and commiserate in an attempt to get me to feed her insatiable desire for the expansion of her power of our tiny, insignificant corner of our little world. She basically wanted to know any dirt on our current administration. This is the woman, mind you, who vowed her unending revenge upon me when I refused to allow her Little Darling to turn in whatever he felt like whenever he felt like it.

Ever been in that position, where you were suddenly confronted with your worst nightmare trying to suck you over to the Dark Side? How many cliches popped into YOUR head upon that occasion? Because I had to choose through
"Oh, HELL NO." (Thanks, Will Smith.)
"Not if you were the last person on Earth..."
"-----, PLEASE."

Look, things are NOT GOOD in the world of Cornelius. It happens in the course of a (cough cough hack) LONG career in education in a relatively small school district. But if anyone out there thinks that that means I am going to ally myself in any way with the Mother of All Lies, -- well, you don't know me very well. This is a woman who started her first conversation with me as the parent of one of my students thusly: "So I said to my son, 'Do you want your mother the School Board Member to go to talk to that teacher?'" 'Pon my honor-- my eyeballs nearly popped outta my hayid.

Maybe I am hopelessly naive. I am most certainly going to pay for my time spent with the Scary One. Okay. What's even more scary than those who don't like you acting openly upon that dislike is when they suddenly start stroking your shoulder and batting their eyelashes at you.

I still smell the brimstone clinging to my clothing. I may have to burn that shirt. Darn.



At 5/18/09, 5:25 AM, Blogger cupcake said...

I'll save a seat for you. It'll be warm and cozy in the fifth ring (we can't be ninth ringers, can we??), but we'll get by. Surely - SURELY - there is a special purgatory for teachers? The Lord knows how we suffer. He may even enjoy a little of it every now and then.

At 5/18/09, 7:53 AM, Blogger Dragon Lady said...

As much as I hate to say it, that's a terrifying position to be in. I had a school board member who made my life hell because I refused to pass his son who had not turned in half of the work assigned for that grading period. When I stood my ground I found myself without a contract at the end of the year :(

At 5/18/09, 11:53 PM, Anonymous Exurban Mom said...

You forgot:
"Hell to the NO." --Whitney Houston,

"Am I being punked right now?" --various Hollywood celebrities

"Wow, you don't sound like Darth Vader, but the foul stench coming off you is exactly as I imagined it." --sorta Princess Leia

"What color is the sky on YOUR planet? 'Cause it ain't blue, sister." --my hilarious neighbor

"Not happening."

"Ms. Legion, your name refers to the Legion of Doom, right?"

Gotta amuse yourself somehow in these last few weeks....

At 5/19/09, 5:38 PM, Blogger Fred said...

No problem with that here. Our school board members don't talk to teachers. They couldn't be bothered.

At 5/19/09, 7:15 PM, Blogger OKP said...

Huh. I guess if she's Legion, that explains my principal's shocking similarity.


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